I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
