i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
