everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
