If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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