I'm laying in your front yard are you home
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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