even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We need to rekindle our bromance
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
