What a fucking waste of an outfit
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
