I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
