Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize