she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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