A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i think my cat just said my name.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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