i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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