i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
