just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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