8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My dick has a subreddit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
