I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
