ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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