Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize