I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
