And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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