What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
