I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
