So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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