The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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