why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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