i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
