i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize