she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
