I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
