Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize