her vagine was all disorganized.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
