I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
