He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
