Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
