we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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