Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
