You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
