Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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