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• (904): View more from Florida

  Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  wtf?

  (904): View more from Florida

  It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  ...there is blood under my fingernails.

  (515): View more from Iowa

  ...I hope my roomates are okay.

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• (831): View more from California

  Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?

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• (310): View more from California

  I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You say this every welcome week, bro.

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• (718): View more from New York

  We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.

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