Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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