I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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