Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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