I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm really busy with my period
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