I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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