I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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