Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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