is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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