Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
