Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
