using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
