And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
