Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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