I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
