Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
