please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
