my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
