i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize