it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
