I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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