Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
