Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
