I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
