clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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