nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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